8:00pm. Joss! Back on TV! Let us pause a moment and give thanks. Okay. We’re done. Avenger’s actions figures in the very first scene! And J. August Richcards—Gunn from Angel—is the first actor to appear on screen. I’M SOLD ALREADY!
8:03pm. Could J. August Richards’ character be Luke Cage? Power Man? I might faint here.
8:07pm. Colbie Smulders in her cat suit. I’M SOLD ALREADY!
8:10pm. Whedonesque dialogue. God I’ve missed you.
8:13pm. Shepard Book! It’s a Whedon reuninon!
8:15pm. There’s a secret about how Agent Coulson came back to life after The Avengers! How Joss? How? WHAT IS THE SECRET, DARN YOU
We now pause for a commercial break.
8:20pm. “This where they actually make the red tape.” Ha! Did I mention how much I missed you Joss?
8:21pm. Big-ass S.H.I.E.L.D plane. Not enough awww in Awesome.
8:22pm. Tech geeks. Every show like this has to have someone to invent technology that is impossible to invent and talk about it in a way that it is impossible to understand.
8:23pm. “Don’t touch Lola.” Just don’t.
8:25pm. The Rising Tide is apparently a girl in a beat up van.
8:30pm. I don’t J. August Richards character is Luke Cage. Dang it. That would have been more awesome than the really big, cool plane.
8:33pm. to 8:37pm. Interrogation and then cool flying gadgets.
8:38pm. Truth serum. Very fast acting truth serum. Very funny.
8:39pm. J. August Richards is definitely not Luke Cage. That would have been so cool. Maybe there’ll be a movie.
8:40pm. So the woman J. August Richards saved at the beginning of the show is bad. She’s been giving him something to make him look like Luke Cage, Power Man. I hate her for getting my hopes up.
8:41pm. Those pesky aliens and their technology
8:42pm. Extremis. From Iron Man Three. Agent Coulson figured it out because he’s level seven. Also because he’s a badass. The entire Marvel Universe in a one-hour weekly show. I might literally pass out.
8:44pm. Don’t tell Agent Coulson “It can’t be done!” He might taze you. Or throw a sack of flour at your head.
8:46pm. Obligatory people flying everywhere at Union Station. Not flying like Iron man. Flying through the air because the guy who is not Power Man is throwing them around.
8:48pm. Agent Mei is not just in charge of red tape. She’s a secret agent red-tape making ninja.
8:52pm. Agent Coulson explains everything and recruits the Rising Tide hacker to be the plucky outsider.
8: 58pm. Her name is LOLA! She was a showgirl!
8:59pm I’M TOTALLY SOLD!