It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies: A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols
THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS FRIGHTFUL!
But this book is so delightful! It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies: A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols takes two dozen of our cherished Christmas Carols and turns them upside down, rewriting the lyrics from a Zombie point of view. Tiny tot’s eyes are no longer aglow, they’re in a bowl. Good King Wenceslas Tastes Great and we Deck The Halls With Parts Of Wally. You’ll find all the soon to be classic Zombie Christmas Carol Classics, like I Saw Mama Chewing Santa Claus, Zombie, The Reindeer and many, many more.
This is the perfect holiday gift for the Zombie fanatic on your Christmas list. With brilliantly gory illustrations by artist Jeff Weigel and an introduction by New York Times Best-Selling Author Christopher Moore, It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies should be at the top of your Christmas Shopping List this fall.
Turning Into a Zombie
I’LL BE UNDEAD, THIS CHRISTMAS
It’s not a question of if.
It’s a question of when.
The swine flu. SARS. The Spanish Influenza of 1918, these were all walks in the park compared to what awaits us. I’m talking of course about the Zombie virus. Right now, scientists are working around the clock in secret government laboratories working diligently to discover a vaccine for the dreaded bug. Personally, I don’t like their chances. (And also, did I mention that many of these secret government laboratories are located right in your own communities? After all, Zombie scientists still need to send their children to good schools). This is only going to cause the virus to spread faster when it breaks.
And it will break.
Their efforts are futile. There is no escaping the Zombie virus. So when the world falls down around us. When we spend every waking (and sleeping) moment of our lives with machetes duct taped to our hands, let us not forget our most sacred holiday traditions. Just remember in the Zombie age, our holidays will be different. Canned goods will become like currency so don’t look for any cranberry sauce on your holiday table. In the post-Zombie Apocalypse a can of cranberry sauce will surely bring you at least two shotgun shells from the survivors in the compound across the river.
Take the Yule Log. And use it to smash a Zombies head in. Or for warmth if you live in a northern climate. There won’t be any time for ceremonies like lighting the Yule Log when there are Zombies scratching at your door. You won’t be hanging stockings you’ll be wearing them for warmth. Yes even those tacky ones that you get at the mall with your name embroidered on them.
But one tradition that doesn’t need to change is the Christmas Carol. It only needs to be altered slightly. And that’s why you’ve picked up this book. Just to hedge your bets. Because when you are turned (and you will be turned), you won’t want to be shunned by all the other Zombies when they are gathered round a steaming pile of brains. You’ll want to know the words to all the Zombie Christmas Carols to fit in with your new peeps. So pick up a copy. (Or better yet two or three since you’ll want everyone in your future Zombie family to be prepared).
Good luck. Happy Holidays. And here’s hoping you won’t get turned. Even though you probably will. And here’s one last bit of advice. When the virus breaks out and everything around you is going south. Look at the Christmas Fruitcake in a new light. No one ever eats them and now you don’t even need to re-gift them.
You can take a Zombie’s head off with one of those suckers.
Michael Spradlin, author
Jeff Weigel, illustrator
For zombie fans getting this book is a no brainer. Ha, get it? Zombies… brains… ugh, never mind. It is a quick, enjoyable read that you’ll catch yourself humming along with as you go. If the undead are your thing then give this one a try…
- Horror World Reviews
Enjoy an Excerpt
Good King Wenceslas Tastes Great
Sung to the tune of “Good King Wenceslas”
Good King Wenceslas tastes great;
We might as well eat Stephen,
When the brains lay round about,
Toasted crisp and bleedin’.
Brightly shown the moon that night,
Though the virus cruel.
When a poor man came in sight,
He made fine undead fuel.
Hither, Zombies chase after her.
Agnes, she is yelling.
Yonder peasant, how she screams,
For her brains they’re a jelling.
Surely she will try to hide
Underneath the mountain,
Or deep in the forest hence
While Agnes is digestin’.
Bring me flesh, and bring me brains.
Bring me Zombies hither.
Thou and I will see them dine;
They even bite through leather.
Free and screaming, forth they went,
Zombies right behind them,
Through the poor souls’ wild lament.
Bitter brains are better.
Rudolph, The Zombie Reindeer
Sung to the tune of “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer”
He ate Dasher, then Dancer,
Then Prancer and Vixen.
He downed Comet and Cupid
And Donner and Blitzen.
Yes, he ate them all, the most
Famous undead reindeer of all:
Rudolph, the zombie reindeer,
Caught the virus through his nose.
And if you ever saw him,
You would even say he’s gross.
All of the other reindeer
Tried real hard to get away.
But they didn’t count on Rudolph
Eating them anyway.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say:
“Rudolph, with your Zombie blight,
Who’s gonna pull my sleigh tonight?”
Rudolph instead just ate him,
Munching Santa’s brain with glee,
Rudolph, the zombie reindeer,
You changed Christmas history!